Laurie Conaty, MSW, LCSW, LCAS

Happy New Year!  Many of us decide to focus on some things we’d like to improve in the new year—and often times that has to do with improving a relationship!  A conversation with another person is required if we have these goals for improvement!

There are times in our lives where we have to have what could best be described as a conversation with someone that feels really tough to us.  You know, those conversations where we are thinking about what to say, how to say it and worrying about the outcome for days or even months before we ever open our mouth—that is IF we ever open our mouth!   Heck, sometimes it can take a year or more to get comfortable with imagining the conversation and initiating it!  That’s a normal part of being human and being concerned about the effect of something that we want to say to someone we have a relationship with.

Oh, and you might be wondering where NARCAN fits into this—I’ll explain at the very end.  Hang in there!

But usually, these tough conversations are actually really important to  the very relationship that we want to preserve or improve—so it’s in our best interest, the best interest of the other person and usually the best interest of the relationship to have them.

If you’re pondering a tough conversation, here are some tips to help them go well.

1.  Be clear about exactly what the topic is you want to talk about.
2. Let the person that you want to talk with know that you’d like to talk about xxx topic and when would be a good time for them. (They have a right to weigh in on what timeframe works for them.)
3. Only talk when you are calm and clear on what you want to say.
4. OWN what you want to talk about and what you are thinking or feeling.  How do you “own” it—use I statements and stay focused on what you are thinking/feeling and avoid you.
5. You have a right to make a request of the other person—and remember, they also have a right to either think about your request or to refuse your request.
6. If they refuse, it’s your job to figure out your next steps in that relationship. Trying to coerce, threaten or otherwise motivate someone who gives you a clear “no” response will not work!

If you are grappling with how to have an important and tough conversation, and need some support in sorting it out, we can help!

Finally, NARCAN!  One of my colleagues said to me that we should all (every teen and adult person) have NARCAN on hand.  I agree with him and wanted to share this recommendation with you.  Why?  The opioid epidemic is a reality (so is substance misuse-particularly alcohol along with opioids)  I promise you, you can never predict who might struggle with opioid use disorder—and along with that inability to predict, you never know when you might save someone’s life by administering (it’s really easy, by the way) NARCAN.  NARCAN can be obtained without prescription—contact your local pharmacy to get more information on obtaining NARCAN and how to administer it.

And, if you have a concern about someone’s misuse of substances—this topic fits right into your “tough conversations” file!

Happy new year and best of wishes to all for health and wellbeing!