by Laurie Conaty, MSW, LCSW, LCAS

Relationships have challenges—that’s normal. Two adults who are different people trying to work as a team– of course there will be some challenges! Here is a strategy to tackle those challenges!

1.  Each person IDENTIFY what the issue is from an “I” perspective.  (I would like to… I would like it if…)   AND, you should be able to describe what the other person wants (whether or not you agree or feel the same way–for instance, you really want me to… you’d really like it if… ). So before you move to step 2, express to the other person what you heard them define as the issue, repeat it back to them, and be sure you are in agreement before moving on. 

2.  Each person expresses their CONCERN/Point of View. For example, I would like to do that but am worried about how we bicker over…; I think that if we agree to….this will happen….

Same as above, each person should be able to describe what the other person’s concern is whether or not they share the same concern.

3.  Each person expresses what THEY WILL DO to address the other person’s concern. This can go a couple of different ways:  If you are willing to do something to address/resolve the others’ concern, great–problem solved!  If you aren’t willing to do something, go right back to step one and IDENTIFY what the issue is that keeps you from being willing to DO something different.

A couple of tips

1.  Give some thought to this question– how big of a ‘stretch’ is it for me to support the other persons’ concern?  No right or wrong answer to this–just important to answer.  If the stretch doesn’t compromise goals, values, morals, just do it as an investment in the relationship. 

2.  Along those same lines, unless issues compromise goals, values, morals, look for solutions as a team–the way I describe this is DON’T focus on who is right or who is wrong–focus on, we have this relationship we value and we have a “gap” between how we see things.  What can WE EACH DO to bridge this gap?

The clinicians at BHA, LLC can help if you get stuck trying to resolve relationship issues!  Please reach out to us at 919.292.1464 if we can help.  Most insurances accepted-no referral needed.