Transitioning from one task to another is a very common trigger for problem behaviors in children. Transitions are when we switch gears, per se. Transitions can be as big as changing from the last day of the schoolyear to summer vacation or as routine as changing from play time to dinner time or tv watching time to teeth brushing time. In some children and teens (and even some adults, but we will focus on children and teens for this article!), changing from one activity to another can lead to whining, avoidance, defiance, complaining, resistance, refusals, tantrums and meltdowns, and emotional shutdowns or pouting and withdrawal. Transitioning from one activity to another can be especially trying for children with ADHD, developmental delays/developmental challenges, autism, sensory processing struggles and anxiety.
Parents often feel a great sense of overwhelm and anxiety just thinking about transition times and this angst leads to dreading dealing with the necessary changes from one activity to another. These difficulties can ruin what is an otherwise enjoyable day.
The toughest transitions are when a child has to move from a preferred activity to a non-preferred activity, such as changing activities from building Legos to bath time. Even changing from a preferred activity to another fun activity can be troublesome for some children. Kids who love both swimming and soccer might have a very hard time leaving the swimming pool to go play soccer because when they are doing something fun and satisfying, they seem to have only two frames of reference regarding time, Now and Not Now. When kids are in their zone of pleasure or fulfillment, Now is the only time that matters and Not Now is never important until it becomes the Now!!
Transitioning with ease is a life skill that must be learned. There are a few strategies that help with the learning of the skill and the reduction of the troublesome transitions.
First and foremost, recognize that kids do not want to feel bad; they do not want to have a hard time; they do not want to have a melt down and feel out of control. As adults we sometimes believe that the chaos that occurs with transition times is a result of our kids trying intentionally to sabotage a relatively good day. It is true that some kids can be very manipulative and can create chaos on purpose, but this typically occurs when a child has learned from experience that they get their way if they act out. As previously noted, transition times can be very difficult. It is important for us to realize that when something is hard for our children, we need to help them find solutions to make it easier.
A very important strategy is for the parent to plan for transitions whenever possible. Try to become aware of your child’s triggers. If the hardest change is from play time to something that is a “must” such as taking a bath, make plans ahead of time in moments of calm along with your child’s input for a smooth change. Plan together about how the child will know that it is almost time for the changing from play time will happen. You can use verbal warnings (“ten more minutes until finish time”); you can use an “hour” glass as a visual reminder of time passing; you can use an old-fashioned kitchen time that dings when time is up, etc. You can both identify what “good stopping points” are for pausing the video game, or for stopping drawing, or for finishing shooting the basketball outdoors.
An important strategy is communicating clearly to the child what the plan is such as: “Once you get finished with your homework, then you can play outside until it is time to come and wash your hands for dinner time, and then after dinner you can watch one cartoon on TV and then it will be time to take a bath and brush your teeth and put pajamas on.” This gives a child an outline of what to expect. Even if the routines are basically the same from one day to the next, it is important and helpful to review an outline of what to expect. Sometimes making a visual map using pictures of what will be happening is helpful. Allowing your child to find or color the pictures to create the visual map is often beneficial because they have been a part of the plan.
Another important strategy is for parents to remain calm. Continue to use your “regular” voice even if there is escalation of emotions from your child. Avoid being a part of the escalation; avoid adult meltdowns and yelling; take a deep breath and attempt to be the model of calm and keeping your cool. At times of transition, we want our children to respond to our usual voice and tone and to not train us to yell and scream whenever we are trying to make something happen. Speak clearly and with a matter-of-fact tone and positive tone, such as: “First you can play on your Switch for 20 minutes and then it will be time to put your shoes on to ride with me to the store to pick out something yummy for dinner.”
A helpful strategy can be to create a fun transition code word/phrase (Topsy-Turvy, Hullabaloo, Dancing Dinosaurs, etc.) that is the indicator that it is time to stop what you are doing and start what is next. Other ideas are to create a special signal that means it is time to change activities (turn the lights on and off, have Alexa play a special song, have a special transition dance or handshake, play the Simon Says game during transitions, deliver the “transition item”. A “transition item” is something special to your child that can be used to hold or carry as there is a change from one activity to another. It can be anything that matters to a child such as a stuffed animal, a fidget toy, a special figurine, etc. Transition items are tools to use to improve switching gears from one activity to another. They are not rewards or prizes that have to be earned, but instead transition items are things that can be comforting reminders to a child that change is happening. The transition item is a tool to be helpful during the transition to keep things calm and smooth. Incentives or rewards for successful transitioning can be used as well, but they should be things that are different than the transition item/tool.
Kids can have big emotions for what seems relatively no big deal to us. The big emotions can turn a transition into a big deal really quickly. Kids can be feeling various things when it is time to switch gears. There can be disappointment or frustration about ending something that seems fun Now. There can be agitation and feelings of angst and upset about not wanting to do what is next or being uncertain about what is next. There can be intense feelings about a sense of urgency to finish something or have it “just right” before doing something else.
These feelings are real for kids as they change from one thing to another and the goal of navigating the transitions successfully is for kids to learn how to problem solve on their own. Helping kids build this skill is a process. Celebrate when transitions go well or at least are improving and work together to make the hard changes become easier.
Behavioral Healthcare Associates, LLC 